Why is Kallamar the sexiest Bishop In Cult of the Lamb? – It’s easy to mistake Heket, the Famine Bishop, for the sexiest bishop.
Why is Kallamar the sexiest Bishop In Cult of the Lamb?
With many charming eyes and an impressive size, her appeal is obvious.
However, to overlook the features of other bishops is to deny the possibility of “other” body types and experiences.
Misconceptions about the intended audience
Now, a lot of assumptions have been made in the guide titled “Why Heket Is The Sexiest Bishop“.The most prominent assumption was that the player or Lamb was male. Now the Lamb is officially used under the pronouns They/They because the player is supposed to perceive himself as a lamb, behave as the player himself would behave, and not as a character.
Whether you choose to believe that Aries is male or female is entirely up to you.
But for this assumption to be the main reason why Heket, the ONLY woman, is the sexiest bishop is completely ridiculous.
Even if you’re a man, there’s nothing gay about acknowledging the fact that another man has a beast. Be it Kallamar, Shamura, Leshy, or Narinder; they all have qualities that are attractive to some and most definitely get some.
His Appearance
Both his follower form and his bishop form are interesting for different reasons.
His follower is normal-sized with large eyes and a pointed head.
His bishop form has four arms and an unknown number of tentacles
First and I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!
You’re just as safe around Heket’s mouth as you are around Kallamar’s, which is NOT safe at all!
They all have teeth, and nothing that goes in their mouths comes out, which means you’ll get laid 1 time in a record number.
Second,
Tentacles, frog tongue, same difference. It can do the same thing. You’re crazy if you think otherwise.
and thirdly,
Kallamar and Shamura both have a little cheek which is adorable and easy to grab because Kallamar wouldn’t want you grabbing his ears.
His Possession (and fit)
It may not be obvious at first glance, but Kallamar has an item of incredible importance in his possession.
Holly Hand Grenade!
It is now an incredibly important artifact of European history. An object of great power and cultural importance.
Unfortunately, holding this artifact increases the chance that an entire Brit will descend on your home and “rediscover” the artifact. Be careful.
His fit.
All bishops wear their mantle in bishop form except Leshy, who fights naked.
Heket wears hers on his back, Shamura wears theirs draped in front of their bodies, and Kallamar unzips him on the sides, as seen above. Now it’s personal preference, but I’d say Kallamar’s looks the best.
He is afraid of you
“Please know, it wasn’t my idea to throw out the Red Crown! The other bishops, my siblings, the blame lies with them. Please, please, spare me. Kill Shamura, but don’t send me to my death.” Don’t send me to him!”
— Kallamar
He is a coward. Little furry. Easy to boss around. He would sell his family to save his skin.
Now this aspect is entirely up to your personal preference, but if you like vulnerable little weasel men, then you’ll love this cowardly little octopus who only values his own life.
Disclaimer! Neither bishop is a good long-term partner.
You can write a lot of fanfiction, but these people have seen many years of history AND you have personally killed/attempted to kill them many times.
They don’t owe you anything and you don’t owe them anything. A tit for an aunt, a head for a heart. You will be alive now.
The Bishops in Sexiness rankings are a ridiculous idea. It’s meant to be silly and not taken too literally. I only wrote this guide because I read a guide about how Heket was the sexiest bishop and it made me laugh.
If you have your ideas, please share them below. Or even better. Create your guide on how Shamura is the sexiest, or how incredibly wrong I am to think Kallamar is even remotely attractive. Have some fun and don’t try to make fan art.
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Written By: Bird-Dragon